by Nathan Thomas

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The allure of being “The Hypnotist” is often so powerful that people forget there are many other ways to create change and transformation, in yourself and in others.   I thought I’d share with your four ways to create powerful changes… without using “hypnosis.”

Hopefully this post will give you some ideas and show you just how many tools, models and methodologies you have available.

Tool 1: NLP

Some people say that NLP was created as a way to “take hypnosis out of hypnosis,” and market disguised hypnosis techniques to main stream therapists, and the corporate world.

The overlap between NLP and hypnosis (whatever “hypnosis” is…) is massive, but there are a lot of new things to pick up. My biggest piece of advice if you are going to look into NLP is not to get sucked into what I consider the rather cult like world of trainers, certifications and “camps.”

Learn from who you like, and use what you find valuable, and don’t worry about which NLP big name’s logo you want to be able to put on your wall!

Tool 2: Old School Persuasion and Influence

The field of persuasion, influence is huge! From sales training to presentation skills, nearly everything taught can be cross applied to do whatever you want it to do! Sales techniques can definitely help you be a better street hypnotist, and public speaking tricks can most certainly help you be more persuasive in everyday conversations.

When you’re next in a book store, flick through a few books on sales techniques and public speaking, and you’ll probably find a lot of gems.

Tool 3: Conventional (or Unconventional) Wisdom

The biggest mistake people make in the world of self development, is reading about nothing but self development!

To paraphrase Milton Erickson, self development books often have how to be successful in life wrapped up in a nutshell, trouble is “they miss out the nut, and only take the shell!”

Read a biography of someone you admire. Delve into classic works of fiction. Read about history and philosophy. Broaden your horizons and become curious about the entire world! You’ll pick up ideas, tips, stories and principles that will help you tremendously in whatever interaction you find yourself in.

Tool 4: The Big Wide World…

Sorry, I told a lie in the last tool.

The biggest mistake people make in the self development world is NOT only reading about self development… it’s only reading!

My greatest love is travel. I love hopping on a plane at night, and waking up in a strange foreign city. You meet new people, and discover weird and wonderful ways of looking at the world.

Make the world your playground, get out there, and start taking action.

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www.ladybythelake.net

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http://www.facebook.com/rpierce1956#!/pages/When-Pigs-Fly-Aerial-Video-Photography-Special-Events-Richard-Pierce/165188250195664?sk=wal

by Nathan Thomas

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The trouble with the world of influence / self development, is that it’s core question is often a harmful one.

People ask “how can I act differently so that I get more from life.”

The very premise of that question concedes that how you are is wrong, but rather than improve yourself on a deep level, you should simply modify a few external behaviors, and pretend that you’re something that you’re not.

So, people learn techniques, and tools and patterns and principles, and set about trying to consciously change their behavior, without changing themselves.

While the patterns and techniques certainly are powerful and are used by many for great effect, at the end of the day they are empty… unless you are congruent!

What Is Congruence

Congruence is when your beliefs and your actions are aligned.

It is when you are what you do.

If you look to anyone who is truly charismatic and persuasive, you’ll notice that while they probably are using techniques of influence, consciously or otherwise, what really makes the difference is that they are congruent with what they are doing.

Why Is Congruence So Powerful?

There are dozens of answers to this question.

Congruence is powerful because incongruence is extremely noticeable – if you are using techniques to veil or hide your personality, I’m afraid it tends to stick out. People can tell that you aren’t really being you, and while you make get some results, it will only be a faint shadow of what you’d achieve whilst being congruent.

How To You Become Congruent?

Well, actually congruence is easy!

It’s what we naturally are. The answer is simply stop being incongruent!

Of course, there’s a lot more to it than that. But the first step is always awareness. Become aware of the importance of congruence, and start consciously stopping yourself from acting incongruently in your interactions.

It can be confusing at first – many of us have been stopping ourselves from being congruent all our lives, and it’s a real effort to remember which behaviors are authentic to us, and which ones are the masks that we’re simply accustomed to wearing.

How to Use Tools of Influence Whilst Being Congruent

There is nothing more powerful than someone who is both congruent and a skilled and well trained influencer. These people truly live free and fulfilled lives, and help others do likewise.

When I teach persuasion and influence skills, my goal is to always help you balance technique with congruence. This means that as well as learning the cool tricks of influence that are so popular – pattern interrupts, language techniques and so on – you’ll learn to integrate them into your natural, congruent way of interacting.

This means you can walk through the world whilst naturally being a powerful influencer – without having to fake it.

The key to this is to realize that who we are changes. So, rather than asking yourself “how can I pretend to be a better influencer than I am” simply ask yourself “how can I become a better influencer than I am…”

It may seem blindingly simple, but this one fundamental shift will free you from the baggage which seems to trap 99% of society!

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www.ladybythelake.net

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http://www.facebook.com/rpierce1956#!/pages/When-Pigs-Fly-Aerial-Video-Photography-Special-Events-Richard-Pierce/165188250195664?sk=wal

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In this article on influence and conversational hypnosis, you’re going to learn about the stunning power of silence.  In many situations silence is probably the most powerful persuasion tool.   I discovered this decades ago through all my business dealings, whilst traveling and throughout life.

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This is especially true in business negotiations, when coming to an impasse I would simply remain quiet.  Although each situation is unique, one overriding truth is that both parties are there for a successful conclusion and generally do not wish to upset the proceedings and walk away with nothing.

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Silence puts you in a position of strength, a position of power. By staying silent and maintaining confident yet not menacing eye contact, it shows that you’re in control of your reactions, you’re in control of your emotions and you’re in control of the situation.

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Mark Twain said, “It is better to let others think you a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.” And yes, in many situations speaking too much can be far more harmful than speaking too little.

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Often, and this is a goal of mine, I try and put myself in as many social situations with people who are far more experienced than I am in a particular field I want to learn about, far smarter than I am in a particular field that I’m entering. Fields like marketing or anything else new that I’m going into in order improve my business and the way that I communicate and teach for you guys. In those situations, rather than trying to talk your mouth off as much as possible and prove that you know as much as them and have the right to sit at that table, it’s often very powerful just to maintain a dignified silence, ask appropriate questions, make the comments that occur to you but make your goal less speech, rather than more speech.

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Try this in the next conversation that you have. Say as little as possible and get them to do nearly all the talking.

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You see, the nuances of silence can be quite tricky. Because if you’re silent in a conversational setting where you’re trying to influence somebody to change a belief, take a certain course of action, make a certain deal or whatever it is that you’re aiming for, often silence is the worst thing to do. You do need to say things, you do need to stimulate emotions, and get your point across, obviously. However, in some situations, hold thy tongue. It is a powerful attitude. And the reason I’m spending this lesson filled with noise about getting you to be silent is because the attitude that silence is a negotiation tool, rather than lack of something, is a powerful one.

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If you ever have to make a public speech, try this, and it’s something that I do all the time, because I do a lot of public speaking, enough that I have to share the stage with other people. And most good speakers, not great but good speakers, will bound onstage energetically and immediately begin talking. That’s good. It’s energetic; it gets the audience’s attention, nothing wrong with that.

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Most bad speakers will shuffle onstage and also begin talking immediately but less energetically and in a more withdrawn way.

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A very powerful way to immediately capture the audience’s attention which, if you will think back to our pattern interrupt lesson, also works as a powerful pattern interrupt, is to walk on stage calmly and slowly. Look around at the audience and just maintain your silence.

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The key is, silence is uncomfortable in western culture.

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You’ll notice that in conversations at dinner parties and group conversations. Whenever there’s a silence that goes on for more than about three or four seconds, somebody will always try and break it.

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Become aware of this. Think about the last group conversation you were in or even a one on one conversation. Notice that somebody will always jump in and fill the silence. It’s actually a well-documented phenomenon, particularly among English speaking people. We cannot deal with silence. It’s awkward, it’s uncomfortable and for us, it implies that we don’t have anything to say to eachother.

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However, if you think back to spending time with someone you love, perhaps your husband or your wife, your family, you’ll think or notice or realize that silence is actually part of your relationship. You can be silent in eachother’s presence without it being hostile or uncomfortable. And have you ever wondered that perhaps one of the reasons why going to see a show or a movie with a date or with a partner is so powerful is because it creates a safe context in which you can be silent in eachother’s presence? Isn’t that interesting? It creates a safe context in which you can be silent in eachother’s presence. Silence is particularly powerful.

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Now, going back to the example of walking on stage and holding your silence, just hold it until it becomes uncomfortable. You’re sending a lot of powerful messages. You’re saying you’re in control of yourself and your responses and, this is the big one, that you can handle the silence. That you’re so completely comfortable and justified and assured in your own presence that you do not need to speak to justify yourself being there.

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Maintain the silence only until it becomes uncomfortable and then wait just one more second before talking. Staying silent forever obviously isn’t going to do you any good but using silence as an effective influence tool can be exceedingly powerful.

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Another thing about silence is that when you’re not speaking, your body language becomes so much more important. Now, books and books and books have been written on body language. Telling you this gesture means that, that gesture means this, crossing the arms means defensive, scratching the nose means lying, open posture means confident, this, that or the other. I’d like to break it down for you just a little bit more in terms of how body language compliments silence. Think about this from the perspective of human evolution. In terms of very, very basic fundamental mammalian human interactions, body language is about how we present our body, obviously, to the people around us. But think about it because body language, the term, has become such a nominalization; think about it in terms of how we present our body to the people around us.

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Now, this is why things like crossing your arms, putting your hand on your face, scratching your nose, are often thought of as signs of deceptiveness or defensiveness because they’re covering up the crucial areas of the body, the soft areas, the stomach, the neck, the mouth, the nose. Whereas if you’re confident, you can open up those areas. You can stand tall exposing the vulnerable areas of the neck and the stomach. You have confidence in what you’re saying if you’re speaking. So you don’t have to put your hand over your mouth and cover up your words as if you’re retracting them or to scratch your nose as if you were trying to keep the words inside your mouth.

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Rather than teaching you this gesture means this, that gesture means that, I think it’s far more powerful for you to come to an understanding of the language of the body and what you’re physically saying to people as if you’re carrying out a mime, you’re trying to keep the words inside, you’re trying to protect this part of your body. You’re trying to move something forward or backwards, make it bigger, or smaller, your body language is constantly speaking.

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And when you’re not speaking, when you’re silent, the way you hold yourself becomes more and more important. If you’re silent with an offensive posture, with your arms folded and such like, maybe your hand over your mouth, it can make you seem quite withdrawn, quite defensive. However, if you’re silent with a curious posture, open but cognitive, hand perhaps on the face to indicate thinking, but open with your stomach and neck while exposed, perhaps raised eyebrows to indicate curiosity, and firm yet calm and reassuring eye contact with the people you’re speaking to, silent yet curious, it’s encouraging them to keep speaking. It puts the ball in their court and the pressure on them.

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This is why silence is so powerful as a negotiating position and this is obviously what I discovered on my travels. Most people expect when you make a demand of them for you to do all the talking. But if you simply make your demand and then confidently and kindly, not menacingly but kindly, yet confidently, put the pressure on them and expect them to continue speaking, holding calm and reassuring eye contact with a slight warm, yet not smug, smile, it puts the ball in their court and the pressure on them. And chances are most people will not be equipped to deal with that pressure and after trying to break your frame, after trying to get you to start speaking, to start justifying yourself and to take the pressure on yourself, they’ll eventually do what you want them to do.

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Now obviously, this is a situation only used for sort of special circumstances. Only when you sort of have the upper hand or you’re making a demand in a short term setting, like in a business negotiation or a sale or a transaction or such like. I wouldn’t run around using it every day of your life because that’s just a little manipulative and it will get a little annoying as well.

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All these tools should be used a limited amount, with limited power. It’s like if you learn a really powerful quote. Use it once in one conversation or in one speech and it will blow people away, act as an instant re-frame, change the way people think about what you’re going on about and really orientate the discussion towards where you want to take it. Use it every day, eight times a day, and it will just get annoying like a broken record.

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Use all of these tools well and use them reservedly. Recognize their power and obviously only use them responsibly and positively.

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So get out there and start playing with silence, openly. Just hold silence. Not until it becomes annoying, but just before then, show people that you control the frame. That you’re comfortable with putting the pressure on them, that you can handle the silence, that you’re in control of your reactions and you don’t feel the pressure to constantly justify yourself by speaking. There’s strong silence and there’s shy silence and there’s silent silence. You want to focus on strong silence to build suspense, to build mystery, to build curiosity and to put the pressure on the other people. It’s powerful stuff. Get out there and use this well.

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www.ladybythelake.net

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http://www.facebook.com/rpierce1956#!/pages/When-Pigs-Fly-Aerial-Video-Photography-Special-Events-Richard-Pierce/165188250195664?sk=wal